I have always been shy, and social scenarios, specifically those where I’m not very close to the people around me, always end up with me cringing at something I’ve said or done. I have had a few jobs in my time on this here planet and as such have had many social scenarios where I’ve cringed SO HARD and my awkwardness has resulted in me wanting the world to swallow me up.
When I was 15, I worked for £2.00 an hour at my hair dressers every Saturday. The money I made went towards my cider fund for the following Friday, which sorted me nicely. This was the first time I was ever in a working environment, on my own without my family or my mates. I had no idea who I was, what I wanted from life, or where I was headed, simply that I was a teenage girl who drank cider with her mates of a weekend and had a pretty sweet time. Anyway, in this job I was suddenly thrown in with a bunch of adults who had grown up lives and real problems. I didn’t belong there and most of all I was absolutely crippled with anxiety. Since then, I’ve had the fortune of many other jobs, helping me grow and turn into the person I am today. Mainly a 24 year old who wishes she was that awkward 15 year old where her main priority was Friday night at the beach.
In these jobs I also felt as though I could relate to people more, what with all those interesting problems of paying bills, rent and council tax whilst complaining about payday being SO FAR AWAY. That and pulling faces at girls we grew up with at school suddenly having babies. BUT THIS IS NORMAL NOW!!
PEOPLE ARE HAVING BABIES. Gone are the days where I can relate to that girl next to me because we can’t believe it’s not the weekend yet. Now I have to smile and laugh at peoples kids dressed in minion onsies and smile because their little girl has her first tooth. In a social situation where a baby happens to be involved, I tend to look at it with an inane expression saying “That’s nice”, and now it’s happening more and more!
What really made this realisation hit home, was whilst I was volunteering the other week. One of the girls who works there is on maternity leave and came in with her little boy. Many of the girls in the office have their own kids, and flocked to the child, who was literally staring at them with a puzzled face. Now, I’m trying to make a good impression at this place; it’s a great organisation and it involves a lot of what I want out of a job, so I obviously want to meet and be remembered by a lot of people in the office. That being said, as I looked at this woman who was being introduced to me whlst she was holding a baby, I was slowly backing out of that room wishing so hard that I could somehow escape. But she was in front of the door, what do I do?! “This is Thomas” (no real names used… because I can’t remember them) and I’m standing there, palms sweating “Hello… Thomas!” with a terrible attempt at “AAWWW LOOK AT THE BABY!!!!” voice… Awkwardness radiated from me before I exclaimed… “OH, I’m just going to nip to my desk, nice to meet you!”
I don’t know how all these girls are doing it, but the slow introduction of children into my daily life is becoming rather frightening!! What do you say to babies??? At least I’m not at the point that my poor grandmother is at; babies faces tend to crinkle up before hiccoughing into crying the moment she pays attention to them…. One day….
Anyway, that’s it from me!!