Right, I’m recently unemployed following on from a relocation back to the North East. With unemployment comes the onslaught of ridiculous specifications listed by potential employers. Now I understand the company would need to make the job sound appealing, and HR do need to redeem themselves at some point, however, I’m not going to be a “Motivated Self-starter” when applying to be a gardener. I think I’m more of a “looking for a nice job with a decent wage allowing me to go for a drink with my mates and live in a decent flat” kind of person.
So in true lazy person style, here is a Buzzfeed style list of Job Specifications that reeallly wind me up something stupid when applying for a minimum wage job… during which time I could be applying for said jobs, but YA KNOW:
1. When a company advertises fora “Talented Customer Services Representative”.
No offence, I’ve been working in customer services for a very long time and I required, then proceeded not to gain any talents whilst there.
I’ll give them a break actually, I could consider the act of holding my tongue when speaking to an incredibly patronising individual on the other end of the phone a talent. Patience is a virtue, and you definitely need it when working Customer Services.
I used to work for a broadband company, well known for its “excellent” customer service and low prices. Generally these low prices would be in exchange for a 12 or 18 month contract (obviously), and when these prices came to an end, the customer would want cancel and haggle a better deal. Unfortunately, when they hear “You’re in a contract”, they get all mardy. All of a sudden it’s MY fault, I am a liar and a thief and it’s okay for me to be called the likes of a “F***ING WENCH” or a “LAZY COW”…
2. Positive Buzz words.
I hate it when a company uses the obligatory positive buzz words like “Excellent Customer Care” and “Have a passion about our brand“.
Honestly, I am trying to make a living, your customers are going to speak to me like dirt (SEE ABOVE) and I’m going to have to pretend to enjoy it? This is why you have only part time roles and a high attrition rate…
I would rather the company was honest:
“Do you want to work at least 16 hours a week?” Yes
“Can you learn what products we sell then tell customers where to find said products?” Yes
I personally couldn’t employ a person when they kiss arse over the company they want to work for, just be honest, and be yourself. (Of course to an extent, JEEZ)
3. Job sites not telling you which company you’re applying to.
Okay, I’m REALLY pleased you are an award winning company, but I still don’t know who you are!?
How can I show I’m passionate about this fantastic opening at your company if I have no idea who you are?
4. “Please upload your CV; then to avoid us having to do any paper work, please copy and paste everything into an online application form…”
Oh god! What was the point? I do not understand. If you have a specific order you want me to lay out my oversold qualifications and where you would like me to a type a self-absorbed paragraph about how brilliant I am; please tell me BEFORE I use all the Microsoft Word “resume” templates to see which looks best.
Until recently, I had only heard people moan about this, but NOW I feel their pain. Why on earth would this be a feature of a company website, if it WASN’T to avoid the paperwork?
I am now in a position where I can comfortably go to at least to previous employers/colleagues who will be a referee for me. In the past, however, this has been something of an impossibility.
CAN’T I JUST ASK MY MAM?!
Right; I should probs get applying again. There’s a FANTASTIC opportunity somewhere, waiting for a TALENTED and PASSIONATE customer services rep….
If anyone so happens to read this at any point in the future, don’t go and be offended by anything I’m saying on this site. Firstly, it’s pointless and secondly, you’re getting aggravated at someone sitting behind a computer screen with an attitude because she can’t find a job….